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I Am a Junk Mail Junkie

Category
7

Everyone is trying to get rid of Spam.  Why?  I love the stuff.  I can’t get enough.  I am a junk-mail junkie, and proud of it.  For the last year, I have put my email address on any site that I can find.   Life has never been better.  Let me count the ways.  


A picture named M2 At first I received a spam mail that said: You Qualify for a Gold Card.  Right after that, another asked me: How many Credit Cards can you get?  The wheels started spinning.  As it turns out, I can get a lot of Credit Cards!!!  I have replied to every one of these spams, so now my combined credit limit from the 100 or so cards is now $500,000!   This is a lot of credit, and I’m not so good at repaying it, so it is good that the fine people who sent this mortgage refinance offer, Refinance without perfect credit, do not check my credit.  

These generous lenders have allowed me to refinance my house so many times that the banks now pay me money every month!

I am a big fan of learning, so when I got many emails touting
U N I V E R S I T Y    D I P L O M A S , I started working on my first PhD.  It wasn’t my last PhD, though.  I now have 12 PhDs in every subject imaginable, and I have more brains than the Scarecrow in "The Wizard of Oz".  I am truly a doctor of “thinkology”

Along with my newfound brains I have money rolling like never before as I
Make a Fortune on eBay! selling all the junk in my house!!!  I am now starting to sell my neighbor’s junk, too.

Now that I can
Get Your 2 FREE Air Tickets, 2 FREE Hotel Nights, $100 FREE Cash, I have become a world traveler.  I go from city to city, and as long as the spam keeps rolling in, I may never return, sort of like “Johnny on the MTA”.   I am snapping pictures like crazy now that I replied to Claim Your Complimentary Digital Camera.

Because I print out every spam message that I receive, I use a lot in inkjet cartridges.  But, not to worry, I get
50-75% OFF your Printer Ink- Ink Blowout Sale!

Now for my personal life.   I have had my teeth whitened so much with
Get Your Teeth Whitened that the local Lighthouse commission wants to use my mouth as a backup to the Cape Cod lighthouse.  Santa Clause may use me to lead his sleigh team this Christmas if Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer doesn’t want to.

I have been keeping my libido going with
Natural herbs that ignite the fire of desire.  I have also sprinkled some of it on my wife’s cereal in the morning (when she is not looking).  If my wife leaves me as she has threatened to do a lot lately, I will consult my newest reference manual: The Ultimate Guide to Meeting Women!

What my wife likes best is that I now can
Lose 30 lbs. in 30 days!  She is encouraging me to continue on that diet for a whole year.  She figures that at the rate of 30 pounds per month, in one year she’ll be rid of me and my spam for good!!!

Comments

Gravatar Image2 -
Really funny pos1!
You will like this song by Mark Nutter!

{ Link }

If I'd Deleted My Spam

AND NOW, IN THE AUTUMN OF MY YEARS
I WONDER AT THE ROAD NOT TAKEN
AND THE DREAMS I'VE FORSAKEN.
WHAT OF THIS TAPESTRY OF LIFE THAT I WEAVED?
WOULD IT BE DIFFERENT
HAD I NOT ANSWERED EVERY E-MAIL I RECEIVED?

E-MAIL FILLED MY BOX.
IT WAS IMPRESSIVE.
I REFINANCED FIVE-HUNDRED TIMES.
WAS THAT EXCESSIVE?
WOULD IT ALL SEEM A SCAM
IF I'D DELETED MY SPAM?

AND THOSE COLLEGE GIRLS
WHO SHOWED THEIR ASSES.
WITHOUT MY AID, WHO'D HAVE PAID
FOR THEIR CLASSES?
WHO'D HAVE WATCHED THEIR WEB-CAM
IF I'D DELETED MY SPAM?

I SUPPOSE I'D STILL TAKE VALIUM, VIAGRA, XANAX, DARVOCET, PHENTERMINE
AND SO MANY MORE.
BUT WOULD THEY STILL BE DELIVERED OVERNIGHT
STRAIGHT TO MY DOOR?

Gravatar Image1 - Hi Frank,
Your post is hilarious. I guess now i know who actually reads spam :)


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